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Posts Tagged ‘Anger’

angry girl

I remember thinking, when I first embarked upon my spiritual journey way back in the day, that I’d never be angry again. Then when I’d find myself being angry I assumed I came off my lofty perch and succumbed to a weakness, or had found a fault in my aspirations for perfection. Today I laugh at those assumptions and can assure you, that after thirty plus years of spirituality seeking, learning, teaching and practicing . . . I still have days when I’m angry. And sometimes I even enjoy this powerful emotion!

It’s a misconceived notion to think spiritually minded people don’t get angry. When Jesus went into the Temple and flipped over the tables and made a mess of things, I don’t believe he did so in a quiet, apologetic way. No, I believe he made some noise when he upturned those tables because he didn’t like the way the money changers were ripping people off as they exchanged their currencies to offer donations to the Temple. He was channeling the emotion of anger to make a point. Did he stay angry? No, he went off to meditate afterwards to clear his space.

You have a body, but you are not that body. Likewise you have emotions, but you are not those emotions. You are spirit. Your body is your house. The emotions are the language the body uses to let you know what kind of energy is moving through your environment. Anger is one of those emotions. The key is to learn how to discern whether the emotions you are experiencing are yours, or someone else you may be ‘matching’. For example, have you ever gone to work in a great mood, singing a tune, feeling high on life, only to start feeling crabby a few hours later? Now you’re thinking about how you hate your job or how your roommate or spouse didn’t put the cap on the toothpaste in the morning and boy, don’t they know how that really pisses you off?

But if you were able to step out of that moment and look around you, maybe you’d see a co-worker stewing at their desk with their face all scrunched with a clear look of agitation. Then you’d recognize it was their anger you were experiencing. It was their energy moving through the office, with their angry thoughts and feelings that went into your aura. Only when it reached your space you translated it into your thoughts and feelings. This is called matching energy. In my next post I’ll address what to do about that, but for now, let’s move on with the anger!

When used correctly, anger is a very powerful tool. When used incorrectly, it becomes a weapon. What’s the difference?

Anger as a weapon: Too many times, when people are angry, they spew the anger all about them at whoever, whatever is in their path. This is called ‘destroying outside your space’. Have you ever gotten into an argument because you were mad, said words you couldn’t take back and ruined a friendship or relationship? That’s an example of destroying outside your space. Or you get so pissed you pick things up and smash them to pieces? Again, another example of destroying outside your space. It feels good in the moment but you’re left picking up the rubble and trying to make amends.

Some people have no permission to express or admit they are angry and suppress the emotion deep inside them. The result is often acne, ulcers, IBS, cancer or other physical issues. Anger as a weapon has been turned on themselves.

Anger as a tool: The truth, is that anger can be a very powerful tool for destroying, cleansing and releasing the pictures or situations that caused you to be angry in the first place. The key is to learn how to run this powerful energy IN your body, not throw it all around you. At first it burns but then it’s like the refiners fire and before you know it, you are clear. My teacher once told me, when you are owning your anger and keeping it in your space, nobody else will know that you’re angry. This is not the same as suppressing it, this is putting that motive force to work for you!

Exercise: Here’s a great exercise to help channel anger that I still use today. And I literally mean today, I just came inside from doing it! All you need are some raw eggs and a felt tip marker.

Write on the eggs the person or situation that has you angry. Write the feelings that go with the anger; frustration, sadness, fear etc. Now go outside. Hold the egg(s) in your hands and imagine all the anger going into the eggs. Really get into it! Now throw the eggs, one at a time, at a fence or on the sidewalk, driveway – anyplace where they will SMASH! When you’re done, you’ll feel better. If you have no place to do this outside you can use your bathtub or kitchen sink. Try this and see how it works.

I encourage you to start using anger as a tool. If you need more help than a raw egg can offer, hypnosis is a great modality to release those deep-rooted anger issues. But think about it, the next time you find yourself getting mad or someone is pushing your buttons you can be thinking, “I have an egg with your name on it!”

Peace to all who wander by to read this post.

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Me on rock

New Hampshire

It’s hard to believe four years have passed since the Universe offered me such a great opportunity for growth and change. And I’m not so sure the word ‘offer’ is quite accurate because at the time it felt like I had been punched in the stomach. I’ve never really spoken about what happened but so many people have asked me about this, I decided to share my story. Don’t worry, I’ll do my best to keep this short. Ish.

Since 1982 I had been involved with a non-profit organization whose original mission was to help individuals get in touch with the God of their Heart and establish a personal relationship with Divine Source. I was ordained as a minister in 1983, was appointed Assistant Pastor of the church in 1984 and held the office of Bishop from 1994 until my departure in 2011. Within the organization was a school for metaphysical studies and also a school for hypnosis training and certification, both of which I was a director and principle instructor.

Many internal changes took place through the years and eventually it became a sick and toxic place – only I didn’t quite see it at the time. Yes, I saw things shifting and moving away from the original intention of the organization but I also continued to believe, very deeply, in the original picture and mission of the church. So I kept smiling and doing my best to keep things flowing by being a good steward and shepherd of the flock. Then in June 2011 I was called to an impromptu Board meeting. There were three board members at the time, myself and two other women. The other two had decided (without a vote I might add) that they thought it would be best for the organization if I no longer received a monthly stipend for my services; that because there had been a decline in students it would financially help the organization if I worked for free. But, I could keep 20% of all the hypnosis work I did.

I think this is when I had my first real out of body experience. I could see them talking and smiling but I was floating far above them, as if in a tunnel. Their voices were muddled. I wasn’t comprehending the logic of what I had heard. No stipend. No income. How was I going to pay my rent? How were my husband and I going to make ends meet on one income? I came back into my body hearing these words, ‘Debi, we can’t lower our stipends because we have bills to pay, you understand!’ Oh yes, I did understand. I understood how, even though these two women did not pay rent or utilities or gas for their free cars, that they were both stuck in survival, lack and limitation. I understood that even though they taught the techniques and concepts and stood behind the pulpit in service they did not, in that moment, have the faith they professed to maintain. I also understood I was leaving.

I took a week to meditate on my next step to make sure I wasn’t having a knee jerk reaction before sending in my letter of resignation. I was devastated. I was hurt. I was really pissed off. And I was so scared. I always thought I’d be at that place for the rest of my life, helping people, teaching and healing. All my sense of personal value was stripped. I felt like I had nothing to offer. If the people I had known, worked with and loved for twenty-nine years didn’t see me as anyone with value or purpose how could I help anyone else? One thing became very clear to me. All my years in training of applying the techniques and concepts had brought me to this point in time. The teaching was about to begin.

Hypnosis: Every day I went into hypnosis to release the emotional pain I was experiencing. Situations from my childhood were also bubbling to the surface because the emotions were similar. It was amazing to see how much crap I was still holding on to from years before. After the intensity began to subside I used hypnosis to create my new image of who I wanted to become.

Prayer: I prayed. Constantly. Sometimes my prayers were more of a plea, often I found myself begging for some divine intervention of understanding. But mainly I prayed to have the anger removed from my space and to allow forgiveness to flow for the situation and everyone involved. This didn’t happen overnight, but the bubble finally popped and I was set free.

Hiking: My husband and I started walking and hiking. Every day. Nature became our sanctuary. It’s difficult to hold on to hurt feelings under a canopy of redwood trees. And breathing in fresh ocean air can cleanse your mind and rejuvenate your soul faster than any written script or sermon. So the outdoors became our pulpit for the new beginnings in which we had embarked upon. And we continue to walk or hike every day!

Within one month of resigning I started a new business and created a new web site. Today I am humbled by our ever abundant, gracious Father and Universe for sending people to me for whom I can offer help and solace. I’ve worked with more people these last four years on my own than I ever was able to attract at the other organization. The Lord does work in mysterious way. I regret nothing from the past and am so grateful for this journey and look forward to all the adventures yet to come. And that’s my story. Or at least a good chunk of it.

If you are going through trials and tribulations, hang in there! There’s a greater reason and purpose that may not be revealed yet, but in time will be made known. If you need guidance with life transitions I can help.

The link to my web site is here: Healed Heart Hypnosis

Some of the sights during our walks:

Bear

Yellowstone Park

Donner Lake

Donner Lake CA

Glacier Park

Lake McDonald, Glacier National Park

Redwood Path

Redwood Regional Park, Oakland CA

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English: White tulips

Image via Wikipedia

I’ve been meditating on forgiveness. I deeply believe it is important to practice forgiving, letting go and moving forward in life. This is something I have been applying in my daily life for many years. A few months ago I was accused of holding on to old resentments and not forgiving certain people from my past. According to these individuals, from their perspective, had I truly forgiven I’d be open to going out to dinner with and/or inviting these people into my home. The ones accusing me became quite passionate, if not downright angry at my behavior. I was accused of being willing to help drug addicts and alcoholics but not my old friends.

I was quite surprised at this outburst. I remember my teacher saying that when we speak we are usually talking about ourselves first, if we haven’t taken the time to clear consciousness. Or, if the shoe fits wear it, if it doesn’t kick it off!

So what exactly does it mean to forgive?

The definition of forgive from the dictionary is: stop feeling angry or resentful toward someone for an offense, flaw or mistake.

So forgive is a verb. It is something we need to take action on, vs. something we just think about.

I recently had a conversation with an individual who is in the process of filing for a divorce after forty years of marriage. He is filled with lots of anger and has been resenting people and situations for more than forty years! That’s a long time of holding a grudge and keeping things internalized. So I wasn’t too surprised when he told me he might have liver problems.

From the book Heal Your Body, Louise L. Hay says liver problems stem from the thinking/emotional process of chronic complaining, justifying fault-finding to deceive yourself. Feeling bad.

Whoa! You mean the more we think about something with lots of negative emotions we can create symptoms of illness in our body? That’s right! You’ve heard the saying you are what you eat? Well even truer, we are what we think!

I suggested to my friend that he might want to start thinking positive thoughts and getting some positive feelings flowing through his body. His answer? I don’t have anything positive in my life. Wow! I could think of ten in that moment – and it wasn’t even my life!

Forgiveness is not for the other person. Forgiveness is for our self.

Why? Because we are the ones left walking around feeling crappy. Think about a situation when somebody really made you mad.  Perhaps you kept dwelling on the issue, talking about it to your friends. And yes, maybe at the time it was a bad thing that happened to you. Now fast forward to the present. Are you still complaining about the same thing? That person did it to me! That person ruined my life, screwed me over, or that person_________________, you fill in the blank!

That person is probably happy and enjoying life. They most likely have no idea you are still upset. And guess what? You’re the one holding the bag of cruddy feelings, not them! You’re the one making yourself sick based on the thoughts and emotions constantly running through your space.

Does forgiveness mean I have to be a doormat? No! But when you can run forgiveness through your body towards someone you are releasing yourself from the karmic debt between the two of you. You are actually setting yourself free. And just because you forgive someone doesn’t mean you have to hang out with him or her. I’ve forgiven many people in my life that I now choose to love from a distance! Let me share an experience.

Approximately eleven years ago I was going through a hellacious life challenge that involved the father of my kids, the court system and my right to raise my daughters as I deemed best and that included my right to home school. The things being said about me were hurtful, ugly lies. It was terrible. I became very angry and I wanted to find revenge. Then I had a life changing experience.

My pastor at the time (now deceased) facilitated a spiritual hypnosis session with me. I honestly don’t recall the words or suggestions he gave, all I remember is my entire body was filled with light. I had a burning sensation start at the top of my head that ran all the way down to my feet. I was enveloped by an incredible sense of awe, peace and love. The only words I’ve ever been able to use that come close to describing what this was like is that I was filled with the Holy Spirit.

I saw all my antagonists standing before me and all I could do was love and forgive them. And at first this kind of pissed me off! I wanted to hold on to the hate and resentments! But that became more painful, it was easier to let go and allow love to flow. I emerged from trance knowing I had changed. And to this day, I’ve never been able to resent anyone for a long time. Do I get angry if treated unfairly? Of course I do! But even when I’ve tried to run hatred through me – and yes – I’ve tried, I can’t do it, it’s just not there. Do I choose to hang out with these people? No, but I can still forgive them. I can also forgive myself for allowing the situation to happen. This sets me free to move forward in my life.

The other day I drove an hour to bring food to my daughters’ dad because he wasn’t feeling well. Eleven years ago I never would have dreamed this would be possible. And I was checking my space to see if I had any remaining resentments inside and realized I was clear. This made me happy because not only was I free – he was too. Mistakes were made by both of us but we had each moved on.

What about you? Are there people you are still resenting? Bad things happen but you owe it to yourself to forgive, let go of the painful past, and move forward in life.

If you truly desire to let go and embrace positive change find someone who can help you with the process. I believe using hypnosis is the most powerful approach because you’ll be in your subconscious mind where all the old uncomfortable feelings are stored. From hypnosis you can release and let go and focus on how you want to be feeling. You can strengthen your mental muscles to think more positively. You deserve to be happy!

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