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Posts Tagged ‘letting go’

English: White tulips

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I’ve been meditating on forgiveness. I deeply believe it is important to practice forgiving, letting go and moving forward in life. This is something I have been applying in my daily life for many years. A few months ago I was accused of holding on to old resentments and not forgiving certain people from my past. According to these individuals, from their perspective, had I truly forgiven I’d be open to going out to dinner with and/or inviting these people into my home. The ones accusing me became quite passionate, if not downright angry at my behavior. I was accused of being willing to help drug addicts and alcoholics but not my old friends.

I was quite surprised at this outburst. I remember my teacher saying that when we speak we are usually talking about ourselves first, if we haven’t taken the time to clear consciousness. Or, if the shoe fits wear it, if it doesn’t kick it off!

So what exactly does it mean to forgive?

The definition of forgive from the dictionary is: stop feeling angry or resentful toward someone for an offense, flaw or mistake.

So forgive is a verb. It is something we need to take action on, vs. something we just think about.

I recently had a conversation with an individual who is in the process of filing for a divorce after forty years of marriage. He is filled with lots of anger and has been resenting people and situations for more than forty years! That’s a long time of holding a grudge and keeping things internalized. So I wasn’t too surprised when he told me he might have liver problems.

From the book Heal Your Body, Louise L. Hay says liver problems stem from the thinking/emotional process of chronic complaining, justifying fault-finding to deceive yourself. Feeling bad.

Whoa! You mean the more we think about something with lots of negative emotions we can create symptoms of illness in our body? That’s right! You’ve heard the saying you are what you eat? Well even truer, we are what we think!

I suggested to my friend that he might want to start thinking positive thoughts and getting some positive feelings flowing through his body. His answer? I don’t have anything positive in my life. Wow! I could think of ten in that moment – and it wasn’t even my life!

Forgiveness is not for the other person. Forgiveness is for our self.

Why? Because we are the ones left walking around feeling crappy. Think about a situation when somebody really made you mad.  Perhaps you kept dwelling on the issue, talking about it to your friends. And yes, maybe at the time it was a bad thing that happened to you. Now fast forward to the present. Are you still complaining about the same thing? That person did it to me! That person ruined my life, screwed me over, or that person_________________, you fill in the blank!

That person is probably happy and enjoying life. They most likely have no idea you are still upset. And guess what? You’re the one holding the bag of cruddy feelings, not them! You’re the one making yourself sick based on the thoughts and emotions constantly running through your space.

Does forgiveness mean I have to be a doormat? No! But when you can run forgiveness through your body towards someone you are releasing yourself from the karmic debt between the two of you. You are actually setting yourself free. And just because you forgive someone doesn’t mean you have to hang out with him or her. I’ve forgiven many people in my life that I now choose to love from a distance! Let me share an experience.

Approximately eleven years ago I was going through a hellacious life challenge that involved the father of my kids, the court system and my right to raise my daughters as I deemed best and that included my right to home school. The things being said about me were hurtful, ugly lies. It was terrible. I became very angry and I wanted to find revenge. Then I had a life changing experience.

My pastor at the time (now deceased) facilitated a spiritual hypnosis session with me. I honestly don’t recall the words or suggestions he gave, all I remember is my entire body was filled with light. I had a burning sensation start at the top of my head that ran all the way down to my feet. I was enveloped by an incredible sense of awe, peace and love. The only words I’ve ever been able to use that come close to describing what this was like is that I was filled with the Holy Spirit.

I saw all my antagonists standing before me and all I could do was love and forgive them. And at first this kind of pissed me off! I wanted to hold on to the hate and resentments! But that became more painful, it was easier to let go and allow love to flow. I emerged from trance knowing I had changed. And to this day, I’ve never been able to resent anyone for a long time. Do I get angry if treated unfairly? Of course I do! But even when I’ve tried to run hatred through me – and yes – I’ve tried, I can’t do it, it’s just not there. Do I choose to hang out with these people? No, but I can still forgive them. I can also forgive myself for allowing the situation to happen. This sets me free to move forward in my life.

The other day I drove an hour to bring food to my daughters’ dad because he wasn’t feeling well. Eleven years ago I never would have dreamed this would be possible. And I was checking my space to see if I had any remaining resentments inside and realized I was clear. This made me happy because not only was I free – he was too. Mistakes were made by both of us but we had each moved on.

What about you? Are there people you are still resenting? Bad things happen but you owe it to yourself to forgive, let go of the painful past, and move forward in life.

If you truly desire to let go and embrace positive change find someone who can help you with the process. I believe using hypnosis is the most powerful approach because you’ll be in your subconscious mind where all the old uncomfortable feelings are stored. From hypnosis you can release and let go and focus on how you want to be feeling. You can strengthen your mental muscles to think more positively. You deserve to be happy!

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